Author note: I invite you to know how Beth remember the episode of B.C. I hope you enjoy it.
Kisses
Selene
A forbidden desire that we both have felt and almost touched, but once again, we were fated to hide that to avoid getting consumed in its flame....
Your frozen breath plays with my skin and heats it until I’m burning. Your hands become timid and wise and make me think of heaven when they brush against my body. I can feel the pleasure of your contact, thirsty for me. I feel your body fight your mind. I'm tempted by your fear to fall in temptation and I fight to keep myself from taking you, while you fight yourself not to give in. Your resistance increases my desire and I become a hunter, for the only purpose of being your prey and I seek you relentlessly, I tempt you mercilessly , because there is no mercy possible for desire and I want you too badly, here and now, only you ... that's all I know, that´s all I want to know.
I wondered what would happen if I had been able to forgive him or forgive myself and worse, if he had been able to forgive himself. But the truth was that I knew the answer to that last question already.
I had tried to take a step forward and in doing so I had been about to fall into the abyss and yet a part of me couldn’t regret what I had done. A part of me would have liked to have fallen in it and now there, in front of the mirror, I couldn’t avoid cursing that timid look that responded to me from the other side, reminding me of my mortality, while Lola's words sounded again in my ears. "You’re special to him, but he hasn’t turned you." At that moment my eyes scanned the image consuming my youth and an idea crossed my mind. What if the passage of time came to take him away from me? Maybe the decision to take a step forward was only driven out of a curiosity that that mysterious woman aroused in me? Or maybe it was really my desire and that drug gave me the excuse and even the strength. But the truth is that by doing so, to take that step, I found something unexpected. I wanted to feel close to him, wanted to know what it felt like to be like him, but now that I knew, I felt a kind of vertigo and anguish. No matter how close I feel him in the end I’m always left with wanting more. It was something inevitable that went beyond my will, but did he feel the same thing? Thinking about it I felt a chill and another question crossed my mind. What if there came a time when I really could be ready to cross that threshold ? And what if the day finally came that I didn’t see doubts or questions in the mirror, but only an answer? Would he be able to accept it? Would I be able to accept it?
_________________
. .
Kisses
Selene
.......................::*M&B*::.......................
NOTA DE LA AUTORA: I invite you to know what´s the vision of Beth after taking BC, her memories and her feelings and you´ll can be seduced by the fire of desire while you find the answer to this question "What does it feel?".
.......................::*M&B*::.......................
"HIDDEN DESIRES"
MICK:
: Turning into a vampire doesn’t only happen when tasting the rich flavor of blood, you must be on the edge of death and give your life in exchange. A price too high, believe me, because in any agreement where the soul comes into play, you´ll always lose more than you´ll win. When it not happens like this, the effects caused by a vampire´s blood are more of a mirage than a reality. I guess that's the cruel joke derived from our curse with which Lola wanted to play when she created the black crystal. This drug just allowed humans to peek into our world, but only that, to take a look, like a way of playing with fire whose diabolical purpose was also to take the soul of whom was ready to take the final step and cross to the other side.
For someone like Lola, being unscrupulous for an eternity made her believe she was superior to everything and everyone. The BC was definitely the perfect weapon with which to continue feeding her ambition, just as twisted as her life. But Lola didn’t mind the ways she used to obtain it. One weapon capable at first of hunting the hunter and then capable of turning the executioner into an unwitting victim, the silver. Silver was the silent murderer for vampires who were hunted by her, and for the trusting humans who drank their contaminated blood, unaware that their addiction for new sensations was driving them slowly into death. That was her mistake, she didn’t think about the consequences, but the more I think about her and the way she acted, I will never know if it was really a mistake for her.
Anyway BC was a drug. The vampire´s blood creates an addiction for humans who taste it causing the effect of disinhibit and evasion that some mortals seek for escaping from their reality...A reality that others would like to have. Yes, it´s true, in the end all of us, vampires and humans, want what we can’t have. Some seek the unknown while others just want to recover for a few seconds the sensation of what they have lost, but neither one nor the other will end well.
When a vampire drinks the blood of a mortal, somehow he can feel the warmth and life entering his body because that's what he really craves, but it's a fleeting mirage that when it’s just beginning it comes to an end and makes you want more and more, until finally all you get is to spread your own death to human. Thus, it happens again and again, in an ever eternal struggle. But, fortunately or unfortunately, as a general rule, the vampire has pure instinct and zero conscience, so they cannot mourn the pain he causes, cannot even feel it, he just feels the anxiety when it ends, wanting for more. But when it’s the mortal who drinks the vampire´s blood without being converted, he feels part of what the vampire is, he can feel how their instincts take control of his mind and his body, but nothing is quite real. It’s just an illusion of the mind that’s been deceived by the damned blood as it blocks the moral barriers and lets emerge his more primary side for seeking what he really wants, but he usually tries to dominate or suppress it. The basic Instinct skips the barriers between ethics and conscience and comes out without any will. He’s on a hunt led only by his desire. But, what would happen if the effects are passed on and the human returns to his reality? What happens when he regains consciousness and control and reviews his memories? If there is anything I could never forgive myself for it would be if Beth would have had to find out it was my fault.
For someone like Lola, being unscrupulous for an eternity made her believe she was superior to everything and everyone. The BC was definitely the perfect weapon with which to continue feeding her ambition, just as twisted as her life. But Lola didn’t mind the ways she used to obtain it. One weapon capable at first of hunting the hunter and then capable of turning the executioner into an unwitting victim, the silver. Silver was the silent murderer for vampires who were hunted by her, and for the trusting humans who drank their contaminated blood, unaware that their addiction for new sensations was driving them slowly into death. That was her mistake, she didn’t think about the consequences, but the more I think about her and the way she acted, I will never know if it was really a mistake for her.
Anyway BC was a drug. The vampire´s blood creates an addiction for humans who taste it causing the effect of disinhibit and evasion that some mortals seek for escaping from their reality...A reality that others would like to have. Yes, it´s true, in the end all of us, vampires and humans, want what we can’t have. Some seek the unknown while others just want to recover for a few seconds the sensation of what they have lost, but neither one nor the other will end well.
When a vampire drinks the blood of a mortal, somehow he can feel the warmth and life entering his body because that's what he really craves, but it's a fleeting mirage that when it’s just beginning it comes to an end and makes you want more and more, until finally all you get is to spread your own death to human. Thus, it happens again and again, in an ever eternal struggle. But, fortunately or unfortunately, as a general rule, the vampire has pure instinct and zero conscience, so they cannot mourn the pain he causes, cannot even feel it, he just feels the anxiety when it ends, wanting for more. But when it’s the mortal who drinks the vampire´s blood without being converted, he feels part of what the vampire is, he can feel how their instincts take control of his mind and his body, but nothing is quite real. It’s just an illusion of the mind that’s been deceived by the damned blood as it blocks the moral barriers and lets emerge his more primary side for seeking what he really wants, but he usually tries to dominate or suppress it. The basic Instinct skips the barriers between ethics and conscience and comes out without any will. He’s on a hunt led only by his desire. But, what would happen if the effects are passed on and the human returns to his reality? What happens when he regains consciousness and control and reviews his memories? If there is anything I could never forgive myself for it would be if Beth would have had to find out it was my fault.
.......................::*&*::.......................
BETH: "Do you remember anything?" Mick asked me the next morning, when the sinful smell of his clothes mixed with freshly brewed coffee, brought me back. I just woke up from my sleep with my mind confused and I opened my eyes to discover myself half naked in front of him. It was not a dream, it was a test, his shirt on my body, his smell on my skin, my nudity. But, could I really remember anything? Not completely. I couldn’t remember all the sequences captured by my eyes and then processed rationally to save them in my memory. But I remembered feelings that had been engraved on my skin and in my body, reminding me of emotions and desires drawn by my instincts and kept in the irrational memory of my senses. And now they seemed to expose me in front of him painting an involuntary smile on my face and staining my cheeks in red. I saw myself in front of him, sitting in that chair, cross-legged, his open hands resting on the arms of the sofa, his eyes fixed on me. He looked stunning, looking at me with his beautiful eyes in a half path between good and evil, between nostalgia and guilt for remembering with a point of desire shining into his pupils. I was unable to take my eyes off him, it was impossible. His hands seemed to subconsciously evoke vivid moments, stroking the chair upholstery inert (those powerful hands that I had learned to worship) and seeing them slip down by fabric, soft, possessive and sensual. I felt that all those memories were present in me through that image and all of them seemed to be summed up in one word, a word that had been etched in the memory of my skin and now also seemed hovering in his eyes, his conscience. That word was desire.
A forbidden desire that we both have felt and almost touched, but once again, we were fated to hide that to avoid getting consumed in its flame....
.......................::*&*::.......................
.......................::*&*::.......................
"¿WHAT DOES IT FEEL?"
BETH: Yes, I remembered but couldn´t tell him. I remembered every second of that night, every sensation experienced. I remembered his eyes and his hands, every caress, every kiss, every touch and banned or not, when I saw him sitting in front of me, I knew I would remember then all my life. Maybe it wasn’t me or maybe it was, I just know that what I felt that night remained engraved in me and even now, when I close my eyes, I can still feel it.
That night, when I tasted the B.C., I was me and yet I wasn’t. My instincts flourished without fear and surfaced on my skin. I felt alive, I felt alive with passion. My senses were heightened and I felt powerful. Whispers became shouts, but there was only one voice I wanted to hear. The night raised its cloak of darkness for me and the moonlight illuminated every corner before my eyes, hundreds of people crossed by my path, I could feel their lives, but there was only one person I wanted to find. My skin was left wrapped in the air, it was as if a thousand caresses were touching me at the same time, but there was only one caress that I wanted to feel on my skin.
I walked in the night looking for you; to feel your magic on me. I open your door and you were there, my pupils dilate to drink in your image, you were my goal, and I walk to you sure about what I wanted. Your smell penetrates my body when I approach you, it’s like a tempting call that sets me on fire, but you’re much more than an essence for me, you are the man I want, the man I've always dreamed of. I was never able to say it myself, I always kept it in my secret dreams, but today I feel as if I´m the female born for you and I need to tell you that. In your eyes I see surprise and fear, on your body I smell instinct and desire, your conscience is my barrier but I want to sin with you, oh yeah ... Tonight I want to make you sin ...
That night, when I tasted the B.C., I was me and yet I wasn’t. My instincts flourished without fear and surfaced on my skin. I felt alive, I felt alive with passion. My senses were heightened and I felt powerful. Whispers became shouts, but there was only one voice I wanted to hear. The night raised its cloak of darkness for me and the moonlight illuminated every corner before my eyes, hundreds of people crossed by my path, I could feel their lives, but there was only one person I wanted to find. My skin was left wrapped in the air, it was as if a thousand caresses were touching me at the same time, but there was only one caress that I wanted to feel on my skin.
I walked in the night looking for you; to feel your magic on me. I open your door and you were there, my pupils dilate to drink in your image, you were my goal, and I walk to you sure about what I wanted. Your smell penetrates my body when I approach you, it’s like a tempting call that sets me on fire, but you’re much more than an essence for me, you are the man I want, the man I've always dreamed of. I was never able to say it myself, I always kept it in my secret dreams, but today I feel as if I´m the female born for you and I need to tell you that. In your eyes I see surprise and fear, on your body I smell instinct and desire, your conscience is my barrier but I want to sin with you, oh yeah ... Tonight I want to make you sin ...
Your frozen breath plays with my skin and heats it until I’m burning. Your hands become timid and wise and make me think of heaven when they brush against my body. I can feel the pleasure of your contact, thirsty for me. I feel your body fight your mind. I'm tempted by your fear to fall in temptation and I fight to keep myself from taking you, while you fight yourself not to give in. Your resistance increases my desire and I become a hunter, for the only purpose of being your prey and I seek you relentlessly, I tempt you mercilessly , because there is no mercy possible for desire and I want you too badly, here and now, only you ... that's all I know, that´s all I want to know.
I don’t care about anything, there´s no past, there´s not even a presence, no conscience, and nothing is possible or impossible. Just you and this need that is burning inside me, that rises on my skin, which flows from my senses, dominating my mind and turns the sensuality in my body using it as a weapon made of sin, which was used to tempt you, to have you. Is that what you feel like being a vampire? Is that what you fear? Well that's how I feel now and I cannot control it, I won´t. There is nothing in me that want’s to limit this passion that consumes me and I just want to get lost in it and quench my thirst in you. I cannot think, I don´t, I can only feel and that is what I want, to feel you, to taste you, to have you.
You come to me and I hope you’re anxious ... your voice is the only song that my ears want to hear and the promise locked in your whispers make me wet with desire. I abandon myself to you because I want to be yours, I want you to take me, I want you to catch all that is in me because I’m everything to you ... everything. But you lie to me and the frozen water wets my desire, dragging the heat that your body causes in mine away, and yet I keep feeling your cool flesh against my back, your hands holding my body, fighting against your own desire, which is also mine. I feel your struggle, I feel your strength and I just want to have it in me and that makes me crazy and I despair. Your male and penetrating scent envelops me again, brings to mind past scenes that are now present, further arousing my instinct and my need for you. A need that lived silent in my body since you drank my blood that time and I know that you feel it too. Your frozen and perfect body and the involuntary proof of your desire which escapes your control, are pressing against me again and I turn my wet back for you. Then I can only beg, "Make me yours". Everything about you seduces me, your desire and your fear to want me and all this is mixed and increases the fever that dominates me. The touch of your fingers caressing my skin, fearful and nervous, the memory of the haunting and mysterious taste of your mouth forbidden. An angel and devil live inside you and I want to be the temptation to awaken them both because I want all of you and to be everything to you. Take me, make me yours, removes this barrier that separates us, let your conscience sleep again and have mercy on me. Quench your thirst in me, relieve mine, make me yours, I want to be around you and if the price is my life, take it, here it is.
You come to me and I hope you’re anxious ... your voice is the only song that my ears want to hear and the promise locked in your whispers make me wet with desire. I abandon myself to you because I want to be yours, I want you to take me, I want you to catch all that is in me because I’m everything to you ... everything. But you lie to me and the frozen water wets my desire, dragging the heat that your body causes in mine away, and yet I keep feeling your cool flesh against my back, your hands holding my body, fighting against your own desire, which is also mine. I feel your struggle, I feel your strength and I just want to have it in me and that makes me crazy and I despair. Your male and penetrating scent envelops me again, brings to mind past scenes that are now present, further arousing my instinct and my need for you. A need that lived silent in my body since you drank my blood that time and I know that you feel it too. Your frozen and perfect body and the involuntary proof of your desire which escapes your control, are pressing against me again and I turn my wet back for you. Then I can only beg, "Make me yours". Everything about you seduces me, your desire and your fear to want me and all this is mixed and increases the fever that dominates me. The touch of your fingers caressing my skin, fearful and nervous, the memory of the haunting and mysterious taste of your mouth forbidden. An angel and devil live inside you and I want to be the temptation to awaken them both because I want all of you and to be everything to you. Take me, make me yours, removes this barrier that separates us, let your conscience sleep again and have mercy on me. Quench your thirst in me, relieve mine, make me yours, I want to be around you and if the price is my life, take it, here it is.
But you only answer me with your silence...always silence ... and my desperate fight hits the wall of your consciousness again and again until exhausting me and then I fall swooning into your arms. You´re the winner, but I´m not giving up.
....
Your hands undress my frozen body and the smell of your closeness warms my skin again. Your mouth finally meets mine. I feel your closeness on my lips, I smell your desire ... "Kiss me" ... my lips are waiting for you…Yes. They´re wanting to be yours and you finally fall into temptation. Oh yes! Blessed temptation that forces you to give up now! Your lips take mine in a long, deep kiss and my head starts spinning in a spiral of pleasure, my body wakes up to yours and I can feel your desire awakening once more powerful and irrepressible against me. Oh yes... I feel your desire... and that makes me burn. Your lips on mine reinvent me in every kiss, sweet and intense, tender and desperate, as desperate as I am for you and while I surrender to your mouth, I can listen to my skin crying for the touch of your bare skin, like a half needs the other to feel whole. I feel again your fear and desire in a singular battle until your hands finally respond to the cry of my body. I no longer feel the ground under my feet, I can only feel you and the more I have of you, the more I need you, the more I kiss your mouth, the more I feel the thirst that you cause me and the more your hands caress my body, the more hungry I become, increasing a mountain of pleasure seeking desperately its climax. I cannot open my eyes, I´m afraid that you’ll disappear, so I just moan your name and beg your mercy to finish my torment. Your love takes me to heaven, I just want to be yours!
Finally you take pity on me and your powerful hands begin to roam my body, always among the eternal pain and the irrepressible desire to have for me. My arms close to your neck, devouring all distance. I want you and your conscience begins to lose the battle won by the need that I have planted in you, the same as you have sown in me even unwittingly. I want you, I need you, your fingers escape from my belly to the core of my desire ... you know I'm yours, my body is waiting for you and I feel you groan your own agony that turned into passion on my mouth. The battle is finally lost, your caress becomes intimate and you come in me. The warm moisture that upholsters my desire is pleased to welcome you and my body trembles uncontrolled while closing around your sweet invasion. I have no control in it, you are who dominates me now, only you. I feel your breath leave my mouth, down my neck, while an electric current begins to run through my body to the tip of my toes. Have mercy on me and let me reach heaven! Every cell in my body begs ‘Give me peace to this desire.’ I want to break myself from this passion in your hands, quench your thirst on me and relieve mine. My body tingles through your fingers. "Oh my God, please, don´t stop, just feel me and let me feel you." But, cruel consciousness comes back from its exile to which your instinct had escaped and you leave me again with despair by your silence. It was the only answer to my torn prayer and you walk away from me leaving my body still trembling, exhausted, but again empty without you. I feel your pain mix with mine, rending the air in a silent scream full of guilt. Damn this guilt that always separates you from me. Cursed be the barriers that keep your world separated from mine, damn your past and my present, damn this reality insurmountable, damn the time escaping through my fingers like water, damn your conscience and mine, damn this uncontrollable desire and the pain that causes your quiet hunger and the cry of mine. Cursed be the invisible ghost of eternity that has you prisoner.
....
Your hands undress my frozen body and the smell of your closeness warms my skin again. Your mouth finally meets mine. I feel your closeness on my lips, I smell your desire ... "Kiss me" ... my lips are waiting for you…Yes. They´re wanting to be yours and you finally fall into temptation. Oh yes! Blessed temptation that forces you to give up now! Your lips take mine in a long, deep kiss and my head starts spinning in a spiral of pleasure, my body wakes up to yours and I can feel your desire awakening once more powerful and irrepressible against me. Oh yes... I feel your desire... and that makes me burn. Your lips on mine reinvent me in every kiss, sweet and intense, tender and desperate, as desperate as I am for you and while I surrender to your mouth, I can listen to my skin crying for the touch of your bare skin, like a half needs the other to feel whole. I feel again your fear and desire in a singular battle until your hands finally respond to the cry of my body. I no longer feel the ground under my feet, I can only feel you and the more I have of you, the more I need you, the more I kiss your mouth, the more I feel the thirst that you cause me and the more your hands caress my body, the more hungry I become, increasing a mountain of pleasure seeking desperately its climax. I cannot open my eyes, I´m afraid that you’ll disappear, so I just moan your name and beg your mercy to finish my torment. Your love takes me to heaven, I just want to be yours!
Finally you take pity on me and your powerful hands begin to roam my body, always among the eternal pain and the irrepressible desire to have for me. My arms close to your neck, devouring all distance. I want you and your conscience begins to lose the battle won by the need that I have planted in you, the same as you have sown in me even unwittingly. I want you, I need you, your fingers escape from my belly to the core of my desire ... you know I'm yours, my body is waiting for you and I feel you groan your own agony that turned into passion on my mouth. The battle is finally lost, your caress becomes intimate and you come in me. The warm moisture that upholsters my desire is pleased to welcome you and my body trembles uncontrolled while closing around your sweet invasion. I have no control in it, you are who dominates me now, only you. I feel your breath leave my mouth, down my neck, while an electric current begins to run through my body to the tip of my toes. Have mercy on me and let me reach heaven! Every cell in my body begs ‘Give me peace to this desire.’ I want to break myself from this passion in your hands, quench your thirst on me and relieve mine. My body tingles through your fingers. "Oh my God, please, don´t stop, just feel me and let me feel you." But, cruel consciousness comes back from its exile to which your instinct had escaped and you leave me again with despair by your silence. It was the only answer to my torn prayer and you walk away from me leaving my body still trembling, exhausted, but again empty without you. I feel your pain mix with mine, rending the air in a silent scream full of guilt. Damn this guilt that always separates you from me. Cursed be the barriers that keep your world separated from mine, damn your past and my present, damn this reality insurmountable, damn the time escaping through my fingers like water, damn your conscience and mine, damn this uncontrollable desire and the pain that causes your quiet hunger and the cry of mine. Cursed be the invisible ghost of eternity that has you prisoner.
.......................::*M&B*::.......................
MICK: We return to reality and we to take a step back one more time. But how difficult it is when I´m seeing you with only my shirt covering your nakedness, when I remember your skin on my skin. We both know that it´s better to leave things as they are but there are things that cannot be forgotten. I see you walking away from me and suddenly everything becomes empty without you and my fist clenches on the couch in a reflex of frustration. That's as it should be, but for the first time, a part of me is reluctant to do so. Your bare feet are going up the stairs and I cannot stop remembering and wishing for you. It´s so hard after having felt you in my arms, having tasted your skin, and your mouth, having felt your body tremble with desire. I keep blaming myself foe everything that happened, but I don´t want to forget the dream. I'm not even sure I want to stop dreaming, even though I know I shouldn’t. I know that this love is forbidden for me. I have no right to even imagine it, but when your furtive eyes turn to look at mine, I realize that there will be nothing that can erase your memory of me...nothing… not even my consciousness.
BETH:I looked at the small pendant of B.C. for the last time and I closed my eyes thinking about it. Josh calls me to go to dinner and I closed my hand on the little bottle, hiding it. "This would be our little secret" I told myself as I kept it in the drawer. We had been so close, so close. Then I turned to look in the mirror. A known Beth looked at me, I kept contemplating what my eyes were telling me and I wondered what would have happened if Mick had yielded to temptation. If he had, maybe now there would be no barriers between us, but perhaps, new barriers would have risen even more insurmountable than eternity itself. I remembered all what had happened and I looked down for a moment, the memory of his touch was still burning my skin and my cheeks blushed. I couldn’t help wishing for him even now. After that the effect of the drug had disappeared and I remembered when I asked him to turn me. I wondered if that was really what I had wanted or if perhaps I would feel like a prisoner in his world, as had happened to him.
I wondered what would happen if I had been able to forgive him or forgive myself and worse, if he had been able to forgive himself. But the truth was that I knew the answer to that last question already.
I had tried to take a step forward and in doing so I had been about to fall into the abyss and yet a part of me couldn’t regret what I had done. A part of me would have liked to have fallen in it and now there, in front of the mirror, I couldn’t avoid cursing that timid look that responded to me from the other side, reminding me of my mortality, while Lola's words sounded again in my ears. "You’re special to him, but he hasn’t turned you." At that moment my eyes scanned the image consuming my youth and an idea crossed my mind. What if the passage of time came to take him away from me? Maybe the decision to take a step forward was only driven out of a curiosity that that mysterious woman aroused in me? Or maybe it was really my desire and that drug gave me the excuse and even the strength. But the truth is that by doing so, to take that step, I found something unexpected. I wanted to feel close to him, wanted to know what it felt like to be like him, but now that I knew, I felt a kind of vertigo and anguish. No matter how close I feel him in the end I’m always left with wanting more. It was something inevitable that went beyond my will, but did he feel the same thing? Thinking about it I felt a chill and another question crossed my mind. What if there came a time when I really could be ready to cross that threshold ? And what if the day finally came that I didn’t see doubts or questions in the mirror, but only an answer? Would he be able to accept it? Would I be able to accept it?
_________________
TO BE CONTINUED...
I´LL SEE YOU ON THE NEXT MOONLIGHT
"FROM THE FIRE"
"FROM THE FIRE"
. .
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