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Hi my friends
Before coming to my favorite scene (FEVER), I propose two small stops for this week: "Your closeness" which is a fictional scene between Mick and Beth after the hug at the end of the first episode and "A matter of trust" which corresponds to the second episode. Both are included in the scene presented this week with the title "Doubts and secrets" I earnestly hope you like it.
Kisses.
Selene
DOUBTS AND SECRETS
I always hear your voice before sleep.... I dream of you and though you're not here, amid this darkness where I live, light always comes from you."
"Tu cercanía"
I’d never felt an attraction like that for any man. It was irrational, almost instinctive. Thousands of butterflies began to flutter in my stomach every time I met him. He was more than perfect at first sight, so powerful and masculine, he was absolutely stunning. But he had an air of mysterious nostalgia and sensuality which, together with his natural beauty, would make him look incredibly sexy in the eyes of any woman. But for me it was more than a physical attraction, it was something emotional too, and most curious of all is that I barely knew him and there was already someone in my life… Josh. So I could not let myself think about it. What is the matter with you, Beth? What was happening with this man? I was not an impressionable woman and yet each time he was close to me and I was able to perceive his scent, each time his beautiful eyes looked at me like he could see my soul or each time I listened his voice, I felt that I had known him forever and that he was my real safe harbor, the only man that I had ever wanted. Butterflies came back to flutter in my stomach and everything else was fading from my mind, everything including Josh...
MICK:
What happened after that hug? I think time stopped for a moment but I don’t mind that those moments could be eternal. She hesitated, and without wanting it really, she began to withdraw slowly from me. When the hug was broken, I could feel my body and my skin seem to mourn over the loss of her touch. I opened my eyes and I realized that our lips were only inches away and her warm breath was timidly stroking my face. I felt a strange impulse and that made me confused. I couldn’t understand what was happening to me. She had hitherto been my little girl but now I felt her like a woman and it was not right ... it just couldn’t be.
MICK:
She searched my gaze again, but I didn´t give into her this time. I couldn’t do it, I was scared that she could read me again, but mostly I was afraid that what had awakened inside me after that hug, would make me do something that I would regret, and I think I would have done it if she had kept looking at me like this, if I kept feeling her breath on me, warm and delicious, so close to me. So I broke the contact, and I walked away from her as if I had been burned by her touch. I turned to the table to grab the car keys trying to distract my mind with something else..
.............::**&**::...............
MICK:
As I drove her home neither of us spoke, but I could feel her furtive and curious gaze on me while I hardly dare to look at her for fear of seeing the woman instead of looking at the girl. She was at my side and that should have been more than enough for me. However, the embrace had started a new torture worse than the silence and shadow where I had been confined for 22 years.
Arriving at her apartment, I got out of the car, ready to open the door for her, traditions of another time I guess, but she didn’t give me a chance to do so, before I had a chance, she opened the car door and smiled while she got out of the car, and for a moment our eyes met again only inches away.
I walked up the stairs in silence behind her and I don’t know why my eyes began to travel down the silhouette of her body as she walked... she was really beautiful. The curves of her body were a real temptation for the man that lived in me and I couldn’t avoid it.
Once in front of the door, she turned and looked at me again. Her lips uttered the word “thanks" to me. Never before had that word sounded as sweet as it did then. It was like honey pouring into my ears. Thereupon she kissed my cheek and I felt that everything faded around me, there was nothing more than the touch of those warm, soft lips on my skin. A cold chill ran through my body, the calm and peace that her closeness had always given me when she was little, now became a sort of pleasant warmth that washed over me at the time that her sweet lips touched my skin. My arms seemed to want to look for her and surround her body again, it was more than a wish, it was a need, an instinct, but my brain did not pass the order to my muscles. But that simply couldn’t happen, I shouldn’t even think about it and my brain began to fight against the instinct, and the battle made me incredibly clumsy and slow. I just wanted her like this, close to me. Finally, before either of them, mind and instinct, could win their particular battle, she disappeared behind the door of her apartment. All I could do was watch her lips dedicate a sweet and lovely smile to me that left me standing there without knowing what to think or feel.
Arriving at her apartment, I got out of the car, ready to open the door for her, traditions of another time I guess, but she didn’t give me a chance to do so, before I had a chance, she opened the car door and smiled while she got out of the car, and for a moment our eyes met again only inches away.
I walked up the stairs in silence behind her and I don’t know why my eyes began to travel down the silhouette of her body as she walked... she was really beautiful. The curves of her body were a real temptation for the man that lived in me and I couldn’t avoid it.
Once in front of the door, she turned and looked at me again. Her lips uttered the word “thanks" to me. Never before had that word sounded as sweet as it did then. It was like honey pouring into my ears. Thereupon she kissed my cheek and I felt that everything faded around me, there was nothing more than the touch of those warm, soft lips on my skin. A cold chill ran through my body, the calm and peace that her closeness had always given me when she was little, now became a sort of pleasant warmth that washed over me at the time that her sweet lips touched my skin. My arms seemed to want to look for her and surround her body again, it was more than a wish, it was a need, an instinct, but my brain did not pass the order to my muscles. But that simply couldn’t happen, I shouldn’t even think about it and my brain began to fight against the instinct, and the battle made me incredibly clumsy and slow. I just wanted her like this, close to me. Finally, before either of them, mind and instinct, could win their particular battle, she disappeared behind the door of her apartment. All I could do was watch her lips dedicate a sweet and lovely smile to me that left me standing there without knowing what to think or feel.
BETH: I would have loved it if he would have embraced me, I would have loved to invite him to come in. But no.... I didn’t dare, though a part of me felt incredibly tempted to do so. It´s true...And I found myself biting my lip after closing the door, keeping in eyes the image of him on the other side, looking at me in a way that only he knew, and I closed my eyes wishing with all my heart that he would knock on the door. Bloody hell! I wanted to feel his arms around my body once again ... But he didn’t knock ... Why would he? It was absurd to even think about it, he probably had gone away without imagining anything that I was thinking. And yet I had felt so special in his embrace at his apartment. For a moment, when he clung to me and smelt my scent and I smelt his, I felt as if I´d found something that I had always been looking for without knowing it. When I moved away from him it was like having to break a beautiful dream from which one does not want to wake up from and, it’s strange to say, but for a moment I thought he felt the same way.
I’d never felt an attraction like that for any man. It was irrational, almost instinctive. Thousands of butterflies began to flutter in my stomach every time I met him. He was more than perfect at first sight, so powerful and masculine, he was absolutely stunning. But he had an air of mysterious nostalgia and sensuality which, together with his natural beauty, would make him look incredibly sexy in the eyes of any woman. But for me it was more than a physical attraction, it was something emotional too, and most curious of all is that I barely knew him and there was already someone in my life… Josh. So I could not let myself think about it. What is the matter with you, Beth? What was happening with this man? I was not an impressionable woman and yet each time he was close to me and I was able to perceive his scent, each time his beautiful eyes looked at me like he could see my soul or each time I listened his voice, I felt that I had known him forever and that he was my real safe harbor, the only man that I had ever wanted. Butterflies came back to flutter in my stomach and everything else was fading from my mind, everything including Josh...
……………::**&**::……………
MICK: At this point, Beth was already part of my life without knowing it and after that hug, she seemed to want to be a part of mine, yet I knew that it wouldn’t be fair. I knew everything about her but she knew nothing about me. Worse still, she shouldn’t ever know. I didn’t care about facing the rejection of others, but I couldn’t bear hers. To see fear in their eyes would be the cruelest of punishments for me, without her my hope would be lost forever, so she never had to know the truth.
But the truth was there, implacable and inevitable. It wouldn’t be easy to keep this secret, not with Beth. As she drew nearer to me, I realized that it was more difficult to have to lie to her and I felt like the secret was beginning to destroy me inside, but the truth could be more dangerous than silence or lies.
And yet, knowing Beth, sooner or later her innate curiosity and instinct would drive her to seek the truth and find it, and if I’m to be honest, I think a part of me wished it. I wished she would free me from a burden that was increasingly harder to hold. A weight so heavy that I would have been unable to release it by myself and not just because I owed loyalty to my community, but because the fear of hurting her and then losing her, was stronger...
And yet, knowing Beth, sooner or later her innate curiosity and instinct would drive her to seek the truth and find it, and if I’m to be honest, I think a part of me wished it. I wished she would free me from a burden that was increasingly harder to hold. A weight so heavy that I would have been unable to release it by myself and not just because I owed loyalty to my community, but because the fear of hurting her and then losing her, was stronger...
"A MATTER OF TRUST"
BETH: I was aware that he was hiding a secret, something that he would not or could not tell about their past and seemed to constantly dodge. Something that hurt and he did not want to remember but yet could not forget. And yet when I looked into his eyes there were moments when I thought he wanted to tell me, wanted to get rid of that weight, but then again silence prevail when I saw the questions looming in his eyes, that screamed "trust me.”
But how could I trust a stranger full of mysteries? And yet I did ... even though logic, despite evidences, doubts, and silences ... I did, though I couldn’t understand why.
Perhaps it was the frankness of his gaze, sometimes so tormented and nostalgic, perhaps it was because of that beautiful melancholy look emanating from the depths of his eyes. I do not know, the truth is that I ended up trusting him without knowing anything, even when everything pointed against it, even when I heard LG´s voice saying "I know what you are."
BETH: I didn’t like his silence but I trusted him, it was as if he were part of me and I had to protect him in the same way that he was protecting me. So when I saw him helpless and wounded on the ground at the mercy of that awful psycho, when I saw the fire that was threatening him shining in my eyes, bringing to my mind the vision that was repeated in my dreams, I knew what I had to do it ... and I did, I fired the gun. For one moment it was like killing my own demons...
BETH: I killed a person without thinking of anything else and what impressed me the most was not seeing that guy die before my eyes, but the fact that Mick had disappeared and I couldn’t find him.
I had killed someone to save him. This was a litmus test for him to trust me, now he could to tell me what he was hiding and yet he had fleed again and he gave me just silence one more time.
MICK:She saved my life, but I couldn’t give her the answers that she needed. I couldn’t tell her that I was just a monster.
MICK:She saved my life, but I couldn’t give her the answers that she needed. I couldn’t tell her that I was just a monster.
..............::**&**::..............
BETH: At the moment I stopped feeling his presence, I began to feel that anguish as if awakened from my dreams and the smell of calm had disappeared. Then I began to roam the streets looking for him without really knowing why, wandering between past and present, not knowing what was real and what was not, I was absolutely mired in uncertainty.
I couldn’t make my statement to Lieutenant Carl, I was absent, I could not remove him from my thoughts for a moment. I had only one idea on my mind. I had to know the truth, I needed answers to what was happening and only he could give them me. Why had he lied about his father and why did that psychopath threatened him by saying he knew "what he was"? Why did I keep dreaming about him? Why did his presence bring to me those sensations that I did not understand? Why did I had the need to search for him and why did I feel that he was searching for me too although he always seemed to do the opposite?
I took the car and I drove to his place. I had to see him, I had to know he was okay, or maybe I only needed to know that he was ... simply...
I took the car and I drove to his place. I had to see him, I had to know he was okay, or maybe I only needed to know that he was ... simply...
.............::**&**::..............
Living with a secret that you cannot share with anyone tortures you and it can destroy you. But you do it when you fear that your release would bring you a much deeper pain ... loneliness... However lying to her was like lying to myself ... No one can run away and hide from the truth forever.
..................::**&**::.....................
MICK: Beth found me and when she did, when I heard her voice behind me, I felt it was time. There was no escape, no turning back. Not since the moment I decided to leave the shadows, since the moment I appeared in front of her. It was only a matter of time, I knew it and even I needed it, but I also knew I would have never been prepared to tell her all my secrets...
BETH: Mick´s apartment door was open and I walked in... I called him and he hid from me asking me to leave, begging me do not look at him, but it was too late. I was not going to settle for his silence ... his image kept appearing in my dreams night by night and his voice echoed in my memory like it was from another time. I approached him slowly, knowing that every step I took drew me closer and closer to an unexpected truth for which I was not ready for and yet I could not stop approaching him . Then I saw what he was really ...
BETH: Mick´s apartment door was open and I walked in... I called him and he hid from me asking me to leave, begging me do not look at him, but it was too late. I was not going to settle for his silence ... his image kept appearing in my dreams night by night and his voice echoed in my memory like it was from another time. I approached him slowly, knowing that every step I took drew me closer and closer to an unexpected truth for which I was not ready for and yet I could not stop approaching him . Then I saw what he was really ...
There, crouched in a corner, he seemed not to be himself. He was more like a frightened animal. I saw his body shake spastically by weakness while he was holding in his hand what looked like a bag of blood... I couldn´t believe what I was seeing...
MICK: My body trembled with weakness caused by the silver and the relentless thirst of my body in a cry for survival, but I also trembled with fear of the inevitable. She would not leave without answers. She had every right to have them, even more than she could imagine, but what would happen after she got them? Maybe she would fear me or worse, maybe she would hate me the same way I hated myself? In any case there is nothing that I could do to avoid it any longer. The time for truth had come.
BETH: Blood, fangs ... it seemed like part of a nightmare and yet it was inexplicably real. Probably the logical reaction would have been to run away, but I was paralyzed, at first surprise, maybe by fear because of what I was seeing but then I noticed what there was in his silvered eyes... He was not the monster that my eyes were seeing...
MICK: And fear returned and also shame and rejection. Fear of returning to my hell ... Shame of what I saw when I looked at myself in her eyes, I was a monster. And I rejected myself, my nature ... an inescapable truth that only would give me one thing forever… loneliness.
BETH: I stood still, watching him , transfixed with surprise but no with fear, I would never fear him, no mattered what he was. He was crestfallen, vulnerable, I'd say he was terrified. Then he steeled himself and looked at me giving me the answer that was in his eyes. His silver eyes impressed me at first but when I looked into them, it seemed like the gaze of a helpless child, ashamed and afraid, who was begging forgiveness for what he was, what he did, while the blood was slipping from his mouth, staining his chin.
BETH: There were too many things that I had to process. There were images that came from the past into my mind in which he appeared. The past and present seemed to converge at a point in his eyes ... but I couldn’t think about that, not yet...and oblivion covered my memories of the past one more time while I tried focusing my mind on the present.
"What are you?" I asked "I'm a vampire" He answered and that answer left me speechless.
MICK: I begged God, I did not want to hurt her, the last thing I wanted was to awake her memories and her fears. But then I realized I could not keep lying to her, not to Beth. The truth was horrible but at that moment I felt relieved. Finally she had discovered my secret and the decision was in her hands and so was my life. She was the only mortal who knew my secret, she could put me in danger and all my community just with a word and yet, at that moment, it no longer mattered to me.
.............::**&**::...............
BETH: I guess it was the same for me, I didn’t want to think about it anymore, sure that if I did, I would have gone crazy. So I left the apartment totally confused. I went back to my car and I held the wheel ready to get away from him, away from that past that was there, locked in his secret. I wanted to run away from everything that his truth had brought to my mind. But I couldn’t forget the look on his face. I drove my car toward my house but I kept seeing his eyes and hearing his broken voice, "Please, do not look at me.” He seemed so vulnerable, it was like he didn’t dare to look at me and when he did I saw an irrepressible fear in his face that overflowed his silver eyes filled with a desperate plea. He feared my reaction...Yes... he had a fear of seeing the look in my eyes. He feared that my answer could be goodbye.
I arrived at my apartment but I couldn’t get what I had seen off my mind. Even in my dreams I could hear his voice saying "trust me.” Those words sounded again and again into my mind ... as in my dreams when I was little... then they’d reappeared before my eyes, the fire, the fear and amid the confusion, I saw his gaze, so sweet and clean, offering me help. I think at that moment I knew the truth about him and about me, but this time I chose to bury it in the depths of my memory. I was not ready to face my past and my own ghosts. I guess there are secrets that are difficult to face because they are not easy to understand and what happened to me that night 22 years ago was one of them. But Mick? What about him? I couldn’t leave him anymore; I couldn’t cast him out from my life even despite knowing what he was.
Maybe he was a monster in appearance, but he was not that to me, I had seen what was behind his eyes, I had trusted him even without knowing the truth. Maybe none of this was logical but I was sure I would be safe with him, no mattered who or what he was. Somehow I needed him beside me like he needed me.
So I returned...
Maybe he was a monster in appearance, but he was not that to me, I had seen what was behind his eyes, I had trusted him even without knowing the truth. Maybe none of this was logical but I was sure I would be safe with him, no mattered who or what he was. Somehow I needed him beside me like he needed me.
So I returned...
MICK: I was afraid it was "goodbye" when I saw her leave my apartment, but I also feared her return, her questions that I would have to answer because that would mean I had to remember the betrayal that marked my life and the blame of one death that still weighed on me, another secret that would keep us apart forever.
BETH:
I wanted to know everything about him, satisfy the immense curiosity he aroused in me, but it was more than that. On the one hand, unconsciously, I had to find all the answers that I needed to open the door of my unconsciousness without having fear block me again and on the other hand I needed to come into his life, because I felt he was already in mine in an irremediable way. I wanted him to trust me just as I trusted him. Yes... I needed to come into his life even despite my fear of the unknown. I had to help him to erase the pain and loneliness that I saw in his eyes. I felt I owed it to him, I owed it to myself.
I knocked on his door and although at first it seemed he wasn’t home, the door began to open to my surprise. It would be the same when one day he came to my apartment, and he wouldn’t dare to enter, and he told me the truth about how he was turned into what that he hated. He told me how he felt betrayed by the woman that he once loved. All he told me helped me to understand many things about him, helped me feel closer to him, but there was something more that began to arise in my soul and my heart. I noticed it when he put his hand on mine and looking into my eyes and told me: "I trust you."
Soon the attraction that I felt for him was growing by the day becoming a need...until finally becoming love.
MICK: Only she knew who I was and what I was, only she could understand me, only she could give me peace and hope, she made me want to live. So yeah ... I trusted and I trust her more than I’d ever trusted anyone, even myself.
TO BE CONTINUED...
I´LL SEE YOU ON THE NEXT MOONLIGHT
"FEVER"
"FEVER"
. .
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