.......................::*M&B*::.......................
"FALLEN ANGEL. MOMENTUM"
AUTHOR´S NOTE:I propose you this a new fanfic for "Missing Scenes", this time it´s about the dark side of Mick, I invite you to read this prologue. The title choosen has its own reason but, in any case, for those of you that know "Moonlight 2 Virtual Season" this chapter may have a special meaning.
And now I leave in the best of company. I Hope you enjoy. Kisses
And now I leave in the best of company. I Hope you enjoy. Kisses
.......................::*M&B*::.......................
MICK: Nothing totally black or completely white is the same, no one is purely good or bad. We all have a dark side, it’s part of human nature and of course is essential in vampiric nature. I guess the difference is just in the will to control it...
Nearly three decades ago I tried to keep under control that dark side that lives in me, but it was not always the case, there was a time when the dark side took over my soul and my will before I could make another choice, crawling into an abyss in which I almost lost. It’s not easy to live between consciousness and death, between unholy necessity and mercy, especially when survival is at stake. There comes a time when you have to choose. I did and I’m still alive paying for it, ashamed of the pain and death I caused while I was trying to escape from my own hell.
No, it’s not easy to live with darkness forever ...it never was for me, so much so, that I committed my worst sins when I was trying to fight myself. I’ve lived every day since then remembering and regretting what I am, and although I struggle to master it, I still keep in my mind every moment, every feeling of those early days as a vampire that were also my last days as a human. The memory makes me stronger and helps me not to fall and yet it is an eternal struggle that might not ever have an end.
Everybody believes that a vampire has no soul or conscience, that he can kill without feeling, for most people, a vampire is simply a predator stalking his victims for the sole purpose of getting them and quench his eternal thirst ... but is it true? Maybe for most of my kind, but it´s true that everything is easier when you disconnect your conscience and you just go by instinct, the truth is that I never have had that release, no mattered whatever I did, for me there was always an "after" because in my undead heart there was always the memory of a "before".
That’s how I remember those days. Well, the truth is that when you become a vampire it not only sharpens the senses to the point of feeling the lives of others, as a kind of paradoxical curse that constantly reminds you that you’re dead, but also the emotions become more intense, sometimes almost uncontrollable, and pleasure becomes a kind of addictive euphoria, anger becomes rage, pain and grief turn into despair, and love and hatred becomes an obsession. And also the primal instincts become more gritty, a beast roars inside yourself and if you cannot keep it under control, there is nothing more you can or want to hold on too. That beast will end up devouring everything that’s in you and there will be nothing left but death in every step you take. To all that we add the initial confusion, inexperience with supernatural powers, and fear of the unknown, the result can be lethal, in fact, a recent uncontrolled vampire can be as dangerous to humans as to the rest of the vampires. So, one newbie vampire always needs the guidance of his sire and I guess Coraline did so with me. She first showed me what hunger is in its most cruel reality and then she taught me how to control it. Even today I wonder if, after all, I should be grateful to her for it...
Nearly three decades ago I tried to keep under control that dark side that lives in me, but it was not always the case, there was a time when the dark side took over my soul and my will before I could make another choice, crawling into an abyss in which I almost lost. It’s not easy to live between consciousness and death, between unholy necessity and mercy, especially when survival is at stake. There comes a time when you have to choose. I did and I’m still alive paying for it, ashamed of the pain and death I caused while I was trying to escape from my own hell.
No, it’s not easy to live with darkness forever ...it never was for me, so much so, that I committed my worst sins when I was trying to fight myself. I’ve lived every day since then remembering and regretting what I am, and although I struggle to master it, I still keep in my mind every moment, every feeling of those early days as a vampire that were also my last days as a human. The memory makes me stronger and helps me not to fall and yet it is an eternal struggle that might not ever have an end.
Everybody believes that a vampire has no soul or conscience, that he can kill without feeling, for most people, a vampire is simply a predator stalking his victims for the sole purpose of getting them and quench his eternal thirst ... but is it true? Maybe for most of my kind, but it´s true that everything is easier when you disconnect your conscience and you just go by instinct, the truth is that I never have had that release, no mattered whatever I did, for me there was always an "after" because in my undead heart there was always the memory of a "before".
That’s how I remember those days. Well, the truth is that when you become a vampire it not only sharpens the senses to the point of feeling the lives of others, as a kind of paradoxical curse that constantly reminds you that you’re dead, but also the emotions become more intense, sometimes almost uncontrollable, and pleasure becomes a kind of addictive euphoria, anger becomes rage, pain and grief turn into despair, and love and hatred becomes an obsession. And also the primal instincts become more gritty, a beast roars inside yourself and if you cannot keep it under control, there is nothing more you can or want to hold on too. That beast will end up devouring everything that’s in you and there will be nothing left but death in every step you take. To all that we add the initial confusion, inexperience with supernatural powers, and fear of the unknown, the result can be lethal, in fact, a recent uncontrolled vampire can be as dangerous to humans as to the rest of the vampires. So, one newbie vampire always needs the guidance of his sire and I guess Coraline did so with me. She first showed me what hunger is in its most cruel reality and then she taught me how to control it. Even today I wonder if, after all, I should be grateful to her for it...
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I remember the first night of my spooky awakening. I remember an intense pain that spread through my body like a poison that was slowly consuming me, the chill of death had cruelly penetrated every cell of my body, and yet I felt that the cold was burning everything inside me, killing every thought except one, the desire to stop that pain. There was only one way and when Coraline showed me what it was and I accepted, I began to hate them both. I hated her for turning me into a monster and I hated myself for not being strong enough to fight my instincts and having the courage to let myself die from hunger before killing to survive.
I drank the blood of that innocent woman who was handed to me by Coraline, and when I tasted her blood, cold became hot, the pain gave way to pleasure and it turned into an insane euphoria along with the power to control her fear and transform it into surrender. I felt her life in me with each pull on the vein, hunger turned into a necessity and from that moment on I couldn’t stop, it was like I didn’t want this to ever end. I felt the warmth of life that I lost returning to my body, I felt those pumping beats inside me while the pleasure was transformed into a kind of frenzy that made me devour all of her.
I had her life on my lips and an instant later, life became death and the loss made me fell cold, hungry, and the most desperate emptiness. For a moment consciousness returned and I realized the horror of what I had done, I saw blood on my hands, and I ran terrified as if there was any place in the world where I could escape from what I was.
I came to a dark alley and I fell against the wall. I was desperate, scared, I just wanted to die, but I was... yes...a cruel death was around me preventing me from resting in peace. I felt an eternal thirst torturing my body, ripping at my guts, and I felt the fear of my need. I begged to die, too disappear but nobody could help me. A second later the sweet smell of the blood returned to me, small steps were approaching me, I literally heard the sweet heartbeats and then I heard a little girl's voice behind ask me: "Why are you crying?" I fought with everything that remained inside me and I asked her to leave. But she didn’t go, she stood there, close to me, her small, innocent and alive hand rested on my back, I could feel it, soft and warm like a little angel trying to comfort a demon. I felt a pang in my heart, a strange feeling, and a mixture of fear and relief. A second later the thirst returned and the need began to devour my insides like a hungry beast that awoke by that sweet and delicious smell of blood and my pain intensified again causing my temples to throb furiously, even though I had no pulse in my arteries. I felt the ice came to my eyes and suddenly I had no desire to control myself anymore, just the desire to satiate my thirst and stop that unbearable pain.
I drank the blood of that innocent woman who was handed to me by Coraline, and when I tasted her blood, cold became hot, the pain gave way to pleasure and it turned into an insane euphoria along with the power to control her fear and transform it into surrender. I felt her life in me with each pull on the vein, hunger turned into a necessity and from that moment on I couldn’t stop, it was like I didn’t want this to ever end. I felt the warmth of life that I lost returning to my body, I felt those pumping beats inside me while the pleasure was transformed into a kind of frenzy that made me devour all of her.
I had her life on my lips and an instant later, life became death and the loss made me fell cold, hungry, and the most desperate emptiness. For a moment consciousness returned and I realized the horror of what I had done, I saw blood on my hands, and I ran terrified as if there was any place in the world where I could escape from what I was.
I came to a dark alley and I fell against the wall. I was desperate, scared, I just wanted to die, but I was... yes...a cruel death was around me preventing me from resting in peace. I felt an eternal thirst torturing my body, ripping at my guts, and I felt the fear of my need. I begged to die, too disappear but nobody could help me. A second later the sweet smell of the blood returned to me, small steps were approaching me, I literally heard the sweet heartbeats and then I heard a little girl's voice behind ask me: "Why are you crying?" I fought with everything that remained inside me and I asked her to leave. But she didn’t go, she stood there, close to me, her small, innocent and alive hand rested on my back, I could feel it, soft and warm like a little angel trying to comfort a demon. I felt a pang in my heart, a strange feeling, and a mixture of fear and relief. A second later the thirst returned and the need began to devour my insides like a hungry beast that awoke by that sweet and delicious smell of blood and my pain intensified again causing my temples to throb furiously, even though I had no pulse in my arteries. I felt the ice came to my eyes and suddenly I had no desire to control myself anymore, just the desire to satiate my thirst and stop that unbearable pain.
I turned to her like the monster in which I had become, but to see myself reflected in her innocent blue eyes and see her innocence transform into fear, something paralyzed me. I put my hands to my head, covering my face with them as if I want to delete that vision from my mind and when I opened my eyes, just a second later, that innocent gaze was gone and I met those dark eyes of Coraline’s, which were looking at me with a rare mixture of tenderness and satisfaction as her lips kissed mine that were stained with innocent blood still warm.
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I never knew if that was real or only a nightmare because of my own inner struggle or maybe it was a kind of premonition which at that time I couldn.t understand, but the truth is that the vision haunted me for years. There were many dark nights after that and many of them also began to seem like authentic nightmares, the temptation of living blood was sometimes too strong and the more I wanted to escape it, the stronger my need was, but every time I killed to survive, every time I drank live blood and I was carried away by the alluring darkness that Coraline offered me, looking for the ephemeral and desperate escape from a reality that I never wanted to accept. I could see those innocent blue eyes looking at me as if they were the mirror of my conscience. I struggled little by little hoping that someone, somewhere would take me away from that abyss. I was never able to look at them, until the time came that the vision came to life and I found her, Beth. Yes, I´m sure now, it was written somewhere from the very beginning. She was my fate. When I met her I felt like it was another chance of destiny and in her I ultimately found the strength to change.
Yes, that innocent look appeared before me thirty-three years after my conversion, when I had three years away from my wife, and I saw that in the eyes of the little girl who was kidnapped by Coraline trying to reconcile with me again. Those blue eyes full of fear of little Beth seemed a silent scream seeking my help, while showing me a new path, and when I finally dared to look at them and felt the warm innocence of her contact, she made me find the peace that I had lost. But that one glance showed me something else, something that was forbidden for someone like me ... and that night on the terrace of my apartment, twenty two years after our first meeting, when the girl had become a woman and the past had once again returned, when the truth came to light and she knew who I really was and kissed my cheek the night I saved her from Coraline´s claws, I felt unable to meet her eyes again. How could I do it knowing what I knew?
Coraline's return, revived the memory of what I had tried so hard to forget and then, when Beth kissed me, I felt there was only one way to really deserve her. The monster that lived inside me had to disappear for good, but was that even possible or would getting rid of my ghosts forever be enough? I guess at that point I thought that both things meant the same thing.
I had clung to the hope of forgiveness and a cure when I thought Coraline had returned from the dead under the identity of Morgan Vincent, if the woman who had turned me could be mortal, then there was hope for me too, but when I saw with my own eyes that Morgan have Coraline´s tattoo I discovered that this idea was just a pipe dream from my own despair. And yet, if I have learned anything from Coraline it’s that things are not always what they seem...
I had clung to the hope of forgiveness and a cure when I thought Coraline had returned from the dead under the identity of Morgan Vincent, if the woman who had turned me could be mortal, then there was hope for me too, but when I saw with my own eyes that Morgan have Coraline´s tattoo I discovered that this idea was just a pipe dream from my own despair. And yet, if I have learned anything from Coraline it’s that things are not always what they seem...
NEXT PART....:*FALLEN ANGEL PART 2. "LOVE AND DEATH*:.
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