M.S. 7: "Destiny I"

Author note: Hi my friends


I invite you to replay one of my prefered episodes of Moonlight where destiny says always the last word. It´s curious to see that sometimes what you want the most it´s also what you fear most.


I hope you enjoy it


Kisses


Selene

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You can find all updates here:

"MISSING SCENES INDEX (In English and Spanish)"

If you want to read the original story in Spanish

clik AQUI

Previously on MISSING SCENES OF ML...

"ABSTINENCE"

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MICK: "On one hand there’s what we want, what we think or want and then there are the millions of coincidences that we can’t control, which put us in a certain place at a certain time...these coincidences can change our lives forever ... but ... who controls them? "

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After what happened in the desert, the door to my feelings began to open dangerously for me. She had the key and was using it. I had allowed it even unwittingly, and now that the door began to open, I was dreading what I might find on the other side. What would happen to her and me if I let that flame burn for us? It really scared me, I couldn’t think of where it would lead us. I just knew one thing: I was not ready to love again; I was not prepared to return to my suffering.

Definitely she and I belonged in different worlds ... at different times. There was nothing I could offer her except death and loneliness…that was my life. I would never let her have that journey and could not fight against the cruel passage of time which would eventually take her away from me. So I could only do one thing before that door was completely open... I had to close it again.

I was determined to suffer my abstinence away from her. I had to flee the dangerous temptation that she represented for me. So whenever I felt the need to search for her or I felt the call of her blood and the heat of her skin, I took refuge in the ice from my freezer and I repeated to myself a thousand times that I didn’t love her, I did not want her and I did not need her. I repeated to myself that what had happened in the desert meant nothing. But I knew that it had meant everything to me, and yet I repeated it over and over again to create the illusion in my mind until the lie became the truth, even knowing that it wasn’t true, that it would never be. But if she was my reason for living, if my life was focused on her protection, I knew that loving her would mean losing her and I really couldn’t stand it.

I thought of Coraline, about what she had done to me, what I could do to Beth if I continued tempting the danger until I lost control. It may sound counterintuitive, but at the time I believed that distance was the only way to keep her and that was exactly what I would place between us… distance. Only if I returned to my solitude, she would be safe, we both would be. So I closed my eyes and I staying behind the door, leaving her on the other side, out of my life ... but the truth was I’d never let her go.

But if the universe has other plans for you, you can run but not hide...

*DESTINY*

(about episode 5 "Arrested Development")

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FIRST MEETING...

BETH: I sent him one, two, three ... up to four messages on his cell, but he never answered me. And slowly my need and my longing for him turned into anger and despair. Why was he avoiding me? I had fed him my blood, I had felt him in me and I gave myself to him as I never have with anyone before. At the motel I would have given him something more than my blood. I would have given him everything I had in me, my body, my soul and my life ... no mattered what remain of me after that. In fact, I would say that in some ways I already had. I gave myself to him... and he responded in the same way he always did when I dared to touch the door of his soul ... silence ... just silence.

But, why?

Part of me knew the answer to that question, but I just didn’t want to understand it, I just couldn’t accept it. He was loving me in silence, he was protecting me from him and from myself, I know that now. But, at that moment, I could only feel the pain and disappointment by the cruel cowardice that was meant for me… his silence and his absence.

My mind remembered over and over, step by step, every second of what happened in the motel, trying to figure out what was going through his mind, trying to figure out what it was he really felt. I desperately needed to hear the strength of his voice, to look in his eyes again and confirm that he felt what I felt. But he seemed unwilling to give me any chance, perhaps because he knew that if he did, he would have to face the truth, and that was what he did not want to do.

What could I do?

Wait…just wait ... even though I was dying to see him so much more than I could have ever imagined, so much so that I had to fight myself to respect the distance he imposed on me, wishing with all my being that he decide to break the silence releasing me from my despair.

Finally, our paths crossed again with the help of destiny.

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Three days after what happened in the desert... Josh came to my house early, before going to work like he did every morning after that day in the dessert.

That morning I was particularly despondent. Josh was alarmed and insisted on accompanying me to the hospital, he wanted me to have a blood test to see if everything was fine and I had not contracted any infection because of the "prick the fence" ... "fence." That was a little white lie that I made up on my own to ease my conscience.

He insisted so much about needing proof that I finally accepted just so he would drop it. If only he knew. I wished I had a vaccine that could free me from what I felt but there was none. Nothing and no one could do it ... just Mick ... and now he was gone, leaving his indelible mark in my memory, in my skin and in my soul.

I remember when we were coming out of the lab, on the way to the elevator. Josh mentioned Mick’s absence, and he wondered why Mick hadn’t come to see me or asked about me since that day. Poor Josh, he couldn’t figure out the true reason. A part of me felt guilty and yet, when I heard Mick´s name, Josh's voice sounded empty in my ear. Like the sound of falling rain, inconsistent and monotonous while I kept walking like a robot by his side, without seeing or hearing anymore, because my mind was so far away... Yes...it had returned to be with Mick at that motel in the desert.

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MICK: I arrived at the hospital and I was waiting for the elevator. I had to go up to the lab to pick up the results of a blood sample that I needed for a case. Blood ... just remembering that word made me think of her and I felt ashamed.

The elevator door opened and people began to walk in so I waited my turn. Suddenly it was full and there was no room for me. Twists of fate I guess, so I turned around resigned, waiting, hoping to have better luck with the elevator that was just opposite me. Then the doors opened and I was stunned when I saw her standing there right before my eyes. Sometimes, when it comes to Beth, I’ll think of something that I don’t want to happen, and it’s like willing it to happen ... and in the end, oddly enough, it does.

BETH: heart jumped in my chest when I saw him standing before me. It was as if someone had heard my thoughts and had decided to please them and yet that meeting was so different from what I had expected.

When saw him I didn’t know how to react. I suddenly felt happy at seeing him, but also anger because of the silence to which he had condemned me.

MICK: The surprised look on her left me speechless. There was nothing I could say to the accusing look that was in her eyes ... Nothing. And while I tried to avoid her gaze, I tried to tell myself one thing. That she should continue on with her life without me, and that I would do everything possible to make it so. No matter the pain, no matter the cost. So, I had to lie to her like I had been lying to myself, letting her think that nothing had happened between us in the desert... but nobody said it would be easy, even in spite of my good intentions ... Beth was not so easy to deceive and to do it while looking into her eyes was even more difficult.

BETH: Vampires are not very good at lying, at least he wasn’t.

Fate had surprised us and we asked each other. ‘What are you doing here?’ I answered first and he thought aloud without realizing ... first mistake for him and first point for me. He had guessed that my blood tests were because Josh and I were going to be marry. His expression was almost of panic, his voice was trembling and he could barely finish his question. I of course finished it for him. How could I marry Josh after what had happened between us? How could he even think that? I denied it, of course, but I did it so vehemently that...Well, I guess I didn’t remember that Josh was there too. Poor Josh, all that affected him too, but at that moment, three was definitely a crowd. It was as if Josh had disappeared and at that moment it was just Mick and me.

Mick was relieved by my answer, maybe it was a slip of his subconscious but to me it was enough to confirm what I had already felt.

When I asked him what he was doing there, his subconscious betrayed him again. He mentioned the word "blood", and then looked down, elusive, embarrassed. Then he mentioned the word "work" while he looked at Josh, as if he was making an excuse for him. At that point he was no longer able to look at me. His fleeting glance showed me the same thing that I had seen at the motel, when he refused to drink of me. There was the same helplessness, shame and even fear in his eyes, but now it all seemed wrapped in a veil of feigned normalcy that exasperated me.

He would never admit anything happened… I knew that. He would hide again in his shell and would close the door on me one more time. in fact that was what he was doing, but I was not willing to settle for his silence, no this time. He owed me more than that and I was not going to stop until his mouth confessed what his eyes timidly had showed me. I had to be direct with him and put my pride aside. I would have to do it. I needed to talk with him alone, so I tried again when I mentioned my messages to his cell, I waited for his answered about it but it was no use, he didn’t seem willing to take up the gauntlet and his response was no more than a simple gesture of courtesy. It was like a yes that meant a no...It was maddening, but I was not going to give me up so easy.

Josh took part in the conversation and it turned into something almost surreal when he invited Mick to our anniversary party. That was too much for my conscience to take, which seemed to be waking up at some moments and then disappeared again. It was a strange situation and there was a kind of tension in the air that you could almost cut with a knife. I wanted to intervene after Josh´s invitation, but Mick interrupted for me and gave us an answer that could both answer Josh's proposal and my indirect question about our meeting. "I'd love to, but ... I can’t." That was the truth ... he really thought that he couldn’t, and because of that he was distancing himself from me, he had made a decision, but what about me? Didn’t it matter what I wanted?

The elevator door opened again just at that instant in which an awkward silence had returned to dominate the scene. Then he said goodbye. The way he did it, made me lose control, each courteous word that escaped from his lips stuck me like the sharp point of a pin "Congratulations ... a year together ... that's ... something special." Special? How could he say something like that after what he and I had shared? I confess that his words hurt me even more than his silence and I had to swallow my anger and my pride so I wouldn’t slap him right then and there. But there was something true in his words, something that was hidden between the lines of that sentence, in the tone of his voice and in his eyes, something that left me shocked. A mixture of guilt, pain and resignation ...Yes, I saw that. He was closing the door despite himself, despite me and there was nothing I could do.

Then his eyes turned back to Josh ... Yes, Josh was there, he was in my life but for me he seemed to have faded away the entire time we were next to the elevator until that very moment when I heard his voice thanking Mick for his kind words. That's when I realized what was happening. No one was to blame for what happened in the motel and yet all of us were paying for it somehow. Mick was paying with his resignation while forcing me to do the same, to follow a path I didn’t want to take, while Josh, the person in the middle of all this, began to realize at that time that even though I was still at his side, I had begun to move away from him in a irremediable way. If everything had to be like this, if resignation was the only option, the truth was none of us seemed to win anything with the sacrifice, on the contrary, all of us were losing. You can’t fight fate when you're fighting against yourself. The triangle was complete and it would always be until one of the three disappeared.

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After that meeting I was disappointed, furious and confused. I tried to hide my feelings and go on with my life because he’d left me no other choice. But none of it seemed to make sense, much less when I had the rare sensation that Mick was my destiny, not Josh, though, at the time, I was the only one who seemed to be thinking like this.

I went back to work that afternoon, time was my only outlet. I needed to keep my mind occupied and not think. However, as I sat at the computer, my eyes went again and again to my phone. I kept waiting or rather wishing he’d call but it never came. He would never call me again.

Maureen had been locked in her office all afternoon, she seemed glued to the phone, One of her contacts had told her something that seemed "juicy" as she always said, but Maureen wouldn’t send a person to the streets to cover anything that she had not checked out properly herself, that’s why I have always been proud to work for her. Beyond the ratings, Maureen made sure that her news was true and not a mere rumor created to raise the audience ratings.

So while I waited for her to arrive with details of the new case, I tried to distract myself with preparations for the anniversary party. Josh was going to take care of dinner on this occasion. The truth is that he loved to spoil me and I always felt comfortable with his care and attention. But I never thought it would go any farther with him and suddenly, after my encounter with Mick , all that made me feel fine before, began to overwhelm me now. Even that dinner or rather what it meant, overwhelmed me too. For the first time I felt like my space was being invaded more than what I wanted, I felt trapped and yet I didn’t have the heart to complain. I guess my conscience wouldn’t let me, and instinctively, I tried to look for something, anything, to silence what I really felt.

I looked back at the computer screen and thought I’d search Google for some culinary ideas for our dinner. Josh knew that I loved grilled chicken and that was what he was going to prepare for that night. But this time we would have guests and I thought maybe something special would be nice. Maybe it was time to contribute something, to reciprocate in some way. I needed to help him, I had to do it to silence my conscience. In the end, it was going to be our anniversary dinner ... but no, it wasn’t really for me. After that encounter with Mick at the hospital I had nothing to celebrate.

I was reading a delicious recipe when Maureen left the umpteenth report on my desk. Just mentioning the modus operandi was enough for my heart to jump in my breast. I got up from my seat with a spring, forgetting the dinner, and everything else and I left the office, running toward the crime scene.

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I went into the office, still had her eyes riveted on me like a stake sunk into my heart. But the decision was made, it was time to get back to my routine and to try to stop thinking of her. I ran my hands through my hair, trying to clear my mind and I started to organize the paperwork that was pending in my office, I needed to find something to keep me busy.

Someone knocked on the door at that moment. I thought maybe the merciful presence was sending me what I needed, so I hurried to open the door.

My visitors are two desperate parents looking for their daughter, the girl had decided to leave on her own and try her luck in the big city, but the path she took to find it was not anywhere near the same that any parent would want for their daughter. Now they only needed to know where she gone by her own choice. They asked me for help to find her and I accepted.

But, curiously, the coincidences began to happen again, one after another, taking me to the point from which I was trying to escape and toward which, paradoxically, I was dying to go.

SECOND MEETING...

MICK: "Maybe our destiny is something that everyone has written in the book of his life and from where no one can escape no matter the path chosen. Or maybe it's just the sum of the choices we make, the actions we take that bring us to a particular place at a particular time, leading our lives without us realizing it."

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MICK:I went to Sherry’s apartment with the directions that Rider (the newest acquisition of Josef) had found for me. I expected to find clues to help me find the young woman alive, but what I found was the scene of a crime. The clues that I found there along with other less tangible ones, guided my vampire sense of smell toward the last place I would have chosen for the meeting between Sherry and her parents, the morgue. But what I found there was not the end of the search, but rather the beginning.

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BETH: I was supposed to be in my apartment celebrating our first anniversary with Josh and our friends and perhaps announcing the next step in our relationship and yet, from one moment to another, I had changed all that by being in the morgue looking at a corpse. It was sobering, but the truth was that when my friend Marisa raised her glass and made her toast to us, I felt really uncomfortable. Worse yet, I felt caged and guilty. I barely had the strength to speak at the toast, I couldn’t toast to something that I didn’t know if I really wanted. I couldn’t drink from the cup because it would be like betraying myself.

I wish that the earth would swallow me up at that moment, but it wasn’t necessary. My cell phone rang at that moment and the sound of its ringing saved me. It was like if the emergency door was being opened and I just wanted to cross it and run. The most curious thing of all was that Marisa did a toast to our destiny, and the day Josh and I met... and that same fate now seemed determined to separate us, and, at that very moment, even despite my awareness, I could only be grateful for that.

MICK: Against all odds, the encounter between Sherry and her parents didn’t end in the morgue. Fortunately I was wrong about that too. My infallible deductive logic had failed this time but that didn’t bother me at the time, though I confess that I was surprised. It seemed as if suddenly I was not able to find anything I was searching for and yet I found it right there. I could sniff that sweet and soft perfume hidden between the smell of death that filled the room and I knew she was there. We had both followed different paths and they had brought us to the same place. One more time her presence was the question and at the same time was the answer. Yes, she was the answer that fate gave me and I kept refusing to listen.

It was the first time that finding someone missing would lead me to my destiny. And my destiny was Beth. Even despite myself, I think inside me, I wished it were like this. Yes, I wanted it, but there were too many reasons to keep denying it to myself and her too.

Either way, this second encounter became proof that the universe seemed to reject the decision I had made and that evidence ended up landing on the crystal of her eyes while she looked at me, waiting for an answer. More than that, she was demanding a truth that I couldn’t confess, a truth that I had refused second by second since what happened in the desert. If I did it, it would be like breaking down the barrier that I had built between us and this would put her in danger again.

She told me that I was avoiding her...Was I doing that? Yes, yes, of course...She knew and I knew it too... no words were needed ... and how could I not do it after all that happened between us? Bloody hell! I'm a vampire and she´ll never be safe with me, so she must stay with Josh. That was what I wanted her to understand. I couldn’t be around her, no matter what I wanted, or what she wanted. Having her, had awakened things that should have remain dead inside of me. I was just a monster with no right to love, much less to love her. But fate was determined to play against me again and again, or maybe it worked for me. Then came a time when I realized it was useless to flee because there was not a place where I could hide from myself.

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When I think of Beth and about how much I really love of her, I can never find a concrete answer. She has the beauty of calm, of peace, she has the freshness of adventure and innocence, she´s safety and danger too, she´s tenderness and passion, fragility and strength ... but there is also something else that I love about her, that blend of logic and intuition that ending always leads me back to her, convincing me even of the unthinkable. For her, nothing happens without sense, everything has a reason and the fact of seeing each other twice in a day must have a why too ,but the reason that she sought was what I was frightened to find . She and I seemed to be connected, in one way or another, every step seemed to lead us towards each other without realizing it.

However this time she was right (Beth always was). Her case and mine seem to be connected in some way so when she said to me ‘Help me to find the murderer and you´ll find the girl.’ I just had to accept ... The question was which of the two women was I going to find... Maybe it would be correct to say the both.

TO BE CONTINUED...

I´LL SEE YOU ON THE NEXT MOONLIGHT


"DESTINY 2"

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